Freedom in the Wilderness

Wilderness. Desert and dry lands and dark seasons. 

I just want to be happy and carefree. I want to be joyful and fully claim freedom. My soul longs for paradise. It longs for Eden, a place with no pain and no fear and nothing but goodness. It is a beautiful thing to long for Heaven, but I was promised by Jesus that many days of mine on this Earth will be spent in the wilderness. 

Sometimes I like to imagine myself fully claiming freedom. It is a beautiful life. Always joyful, patient, kind, peaceful, and sitting at His feet listening to Him and all He has to say to me. As I was recently imagining this yet again, I realized I was only imagining the freedom on the good days. The days everything is going perfectly and I wake up and watch the sunrise or am thriving mentally or don’t have a care in the world. It left me asking myself:

What does freedom look like in the midst of the wilderness?

David wrote Psalm 63 in the wilderness of Judah. Psalm 63 is one of my favorite Psalms. David sang to the Lord that he will praise Him with his lips and raise his hands to the Lord. He speaks about how much his soul thirsts for the goodness of the Lord. He remembers the Lord upon his bed and meditates on His character in the night. He says that the love of his Heavenly Father is better than life itself. Please go read it, it’s beautiful. 

All of these things were written in what is like a “dry and weary land where there is no water.” 

The wilderness. 

Of course my heart is longing for goodness, for paradise. Because that is what Jesus is. Those areas of sin in my life that feel void of His freedom, they make my heart ache. They are frustrating. They bring up the question, “Where did you go wrong?” 

So what does freedom really look like in the wilderness? When loneliness comes knocking. When it feels like temptation wins. When darkness is near. When it is a tough day, week, month, year, or season. Whatever it all may look like. How do I not only recognize that freedom actually is an option for someone like me, but also grab it and claim it as mine?

To be honest, I don’t think there is one correct answer. I think first, accepting grace is so important. When I think back to all of the messes of my past, all of those things eventually brought divine revelations to my life. Those revelations would have been impossible if grace was nonexistent. Claiming freedom is really another term for receiving grace. So in my yucky stuff, I choose to receive grace. That means I am not a slave to sin or the wilderness. 

Freedom in the wilderness looks like a different response to the trial than what I’m used to. Not a perfect response, the end goal of any good or hard season is never perfection. Responses come in all forms. It could look like taking a deep breath, going to a desolate place, praying, and then returning to give the literal response. It could be responding with joy, grace, patience, and a good attitude even when you don’t feel it as a way to call your heart higher. I have the freedom to respond to situations bearing the fruit of the Holy Spirit. I have the freedom not to sulk, self destruct, lash out, or let pride and fear get the best of me. 

Freedom in the wilderness looks like denying my flesh and saying yes to discomfort. It’s knowing the difference between gratifying my flesh and honoring what my body, heart, and soul need. What I need won’t always be what I want. It is so so hard, it’s sowing. You reap what you sow. Every second of every day I have a chance to sow, but sowing takes work. 

Freedom in the wilderness is continual and unwavering prayer, communion, and devotion to the Word. It is a 24/7 pursuit of Him, His voice, His goodness, and His word. Not from obligation or because I should. For all reasons gracious and sweet. Because His love is better than life. Because true freedom is only found in pursuit of Him and He is the only option. His word is a lamp to my feet in the dark wilderness. His rod and staff guide me even if it’s difficult, and they ultimately comfort me. 

When I look back at my life I see a testimony. One of endless wildernesses that turned into endless praise. 

That thing you’ve always struggled with does not mean you are hopeless my friend. The lie you have always believed about yourself does not make it true. David praising the Lord in the wilderness does not mean he is better or stronger than us. David knew what his soul was thirsting for. He knew the paradise his heart needed, and the only love that was better than anything the world could ever offer or imagine. So he didn’t wait till he left the dry lands of Judah to praise. He knew the only way his soul would survive was to quench a thirst deeper than anything physical. 

We all have some sort of wilderness. Whether it lasts for 5 minutes or 50 years. Fall to His feet right there. Receive grace, deny your flesh, devote yourself to communion, and be kind to yourself. 

To all my friends in a wilderness, I am so proud of you. 

Bye for now, 

MG