I’m Home

I’ve been home for a month now, and trying to find words to truly capture the last nine months of my life seems nearly impossible. Honestly, I’m just trying to process the fact that I don’t wake up to 30 something other sleepy eyes every morning or live in a communal bathroom anymore. I am in this interesting period of my life where I am grieving so many things, while adjusting to so many new things, while preparing for the next thing. It’s strange. 

I thought I would share with you what it is like to be back in America after months of living overseas and in a completely different kind of environment. 

The culture shock was more real than I thought it would be. I always imagined it as having a panic attack in the grocery store or accidentally driving on the left side of the road again. While flushing toilet paper, being able to control the water temperature, no street dogs everywhere, and being able to speak the same language is an absolute luxury, I have found myself “shocked” by other things. 

Busyness, individualism, and materialism have been three of the most challenging things for me to adapt to. 

Busyness: The first two weeks I was home I was the most stressed I have ever been. I was overwhelmed by all of the to-do’s and things I felt like I needed to catch up on. My brain was all over the place. I truly didn’t have a massive amount of things on my plate, but it was so much harder to find rhythms of rest throughout my day. Everything felt so fast paced from driving to planning coffee dates to just having to put my laundry away, it was weird. 

Individualism: After living with 40 people for 9 months, being back on my own again was the strangest feeling. I still remember the first moment I was truly alone in the security line of the airport for the first time since September. I looked around to see strangers, with their own lives, their own families, their own agendas, their own flights to catch. I couldn’t turn to the person behind me and talk to them about how they’re feeling about going to our next country. Instead I was being yelled at by airport security for not moving fast enough…ouch. The culture here is all about “you do you” and “work on yourself” and “you don’t need anyone but you.” Working on yourself isn’t bad, but it can get easy to get into survival mode when it is every man for himself rather than the church as a body, for the kingdom of God. 

Materialism: Now while I did live out of a 30 pound backpack, I am not the professional minimalistic missionary girl. I love me some cute clothes, but I have realized how much we rely on material things as our source of happiness. Another big culture shock was when we first landed in the Florida airport and saw the massive quantity of Teslas, Porsche’s, Jeeps, and Range Rovers. This was not a thing in Ecuador, it isn’t a bad thing either. I had just forgotten how much stuff we have here. The Lord has blessed our country in great ways, but I am finding that finding happiness in these things leaves our country on a never ending cycle of needing more and more. 

The three biggest questions I receive about the race are:

“How was it?”

“So what’s next?”

And

“Did you feel safe?”

If you have asked me these questions or were planning on asking these, don’t feel bad! The World Race is my favorite thing to talk about right now. Ask me all about it. I will tell you though, words cannot describe how it was. That one is the hardest question to answer because the amount of different adjectives I could use are endless. 

It is weird washing dishes. There aren’t 40 plates to wash anymore and two other people doing the dishes with me. The house is a lot more quiet, no people always playing spike ball in the yard or playing guitar in the living room. My bed is really comfortable and warm and I have a whole bathroom to myself. I drive 30 minutes to church instead of sitting in the living room packed on a couple couches worshipping and hearing wisdom from one of my squadmates. I go to an actual gym to workout instead of my little balcony in the mountains. No more plantains and cheese or lentils and rice for dinner. I can be on my phone whenever I want because I always have service and wifi access. I can go to Target (hallelujah).

Home is sweet. I get to snuggle with my dog every night. I have been pursuing getting well and healing my body from the many parasites I have acquired over time. I am learning how to be a long distance friend with the people I once saw face to face every day. I am soaking up the Texas sun and taking joy in seeing so many sweet faces for the first time in months. I am excited for the season of life ahead of me and resting in hope that the World Race is not the best it will ever be. Life with Him keeps getting sweeter and sweeter with time. 

It is all a learning process. We will never do any seasons of our life perfectly. I am learning how to be home after experiencing everything I just experienced and how to love a country that is hurting so deeply and divided in more ways than one. I am learning how to have grace for myself on the days that I just miss H squad so much my heart breaks. A dear friend told me that we are going to mess up 10 times before we get it right, and that is where the grace of Jesus comes in. Don’t be hard on yourself if you aren’t doing a season of your life perfectly, I can guarantee you none of us are. 

Growth is not limited to living overseas or going on a mission trip. I can grow just as much in this next season as I did on the race, and so can you.  

I am so thankful for the past nine months of my life, and I am learning to be just as grateful for the months ahead of me. For now, I am resting in the peace of being home and hope of the goodness to come.

Please please reach out if you need a friend or want to grab a coffee. I am home and I am here, sometimes we just need someone who will really hear us <3

Bye for now,

MG