comfort. familiarity. control. in one month, all of those things will instantly become foreign to me. one month from today! so it seems about time for a very vulnerable and very real blog post.

this past week has been hard. tears, nights of no sleep, stress, anxiety, a million thoughts in my head ranging from "ONE MONTH WHOOP WHOOP" to "i don't want to go anymore haha".

fear of failure, the unknown, the extreme discomfort i don't know if i'm ready for. leaving my home. leaving my job. leaving my favorite foods and coffee shops. leaving my dog. my bed. fear, anxiety, insecurity plagued me even leading me to be irritable and forget why i even wanted to do this in the first place (yes vulnerable). 

we all want to be safe. we do anything in our power to be safe and risk free, it's like we crave it. what changed my heart towards the concept of a risk free life was when Christine Caine said that "some of us are dead before we die and the thing that kills us is all of this unused life". when i'm clinging so tight to comfort running from any sort of risk, how can i say i truly living? in the moments when i am living for me and my comfortability, those are the days i am the most anxiety ridden. 

i talked about surrender in my last blog, and have fallen more and more in love with the action. i have learned that so much of surrender is trust. our attention will always go somewhere, and it takes so much trust to chose Him. when i am in need of a little flesh denial, i have to remember and trust that His way always brings me joy, freedom, and brings so many people i love the same things. but surrender is not me constantly trying to impress God. He is the only one I can give everything to and not feel empty. it's surrender = freedom, not surrender = follow all God's rules then maybe you'll be enough.

life is risky. love is risky. driving is risky. flying is risky. college is risky. being a missionary is risky. 

so if i am going to take a risk, wouldn't a good cause be to reach hurting souls? to love those who have never heard of such a thing? to get to play a part in eternities being secured? 

romans 8 talks about how we are not supposed to live a life of timidity, tending to our own graves. it's a life of expectancy, knowing who He is so we can know who we are. i don't want to have any unused life. life is so precious. life is too valuable to live strictly for my own comfort. 

letting go is hard. i am about to do so many hard things. it's scary but that's okay. i'm going to miss my family and my home for the past 18 years. but for the 18 years i thought i was in control, He actually was. so i'm letting go. no more entertaining stress or thoughts of fear. no more gripping to comfortability. but instead, more love, more joy, more peace, more expectancy, more trust, more surrender, more freedom, more excitement. 

i am inviting you to join me. join me in claiming the fact that depression, anxiety, fear, stress, no longer have a grip on your life. life is a gift and i will use it for beauty.

letting go brings more freedom than holding on ever will.

i love you (and see you in GA!!) 

- mg :)