comfort. familiarity. control. in one month, all of those things will instantly become foreign to me. one month from today! so it seems about time for a very vulnerable and very real blog post.
this past week has been hard. tears, nights of no sleep, stress, anxiety, a million thoughts in my head ranging from “ONE MONTH WHOOP WHOOP” to “i don’t want to go anymore haha”.
fear of failure, the unknown, the extreme discomfort i don’t know if i’m ready for. leaving my home. leaving my job. leaving my favorite foods and coffee shops. leaving my dog. my bed. fear, anxiety, insecurity plagued me even leading me to be irritable and forget why i even wanted to do this in the first place (yes vulnerable).
we all want to be safe. we do anything in our power to be safe and risk free, it’s like we crave it. what changed my heart towards the concept of a risk free life was when Christine Caine said that “some of us are dead before we die and the thing that kills us is all of this unused life“. when i’m clinging so tight to comfort running from any sort of risk, how can i say i truly living? in the moments when i am living for me and my comfortability, those are the days i am the most anxiety ridden.
i talked about surrender in my last blog, and have fallen more and more in love with the action. i have learned that so much of surrender is trust. our attention will always go somewhere, and it takes so much trust to chose Him. when i am in need of a little flesh denial, i have to remember and trust that His way always brings me joy, freedom, and brings so many people i love the same things. but surrender is not me constantly trying to impress God. He is the only one I can give everything to and not feel empty. it’s surrender = freedom, not surrender = follow all God’s rules then maybe you’ll be enough.
life is risky. love is risky. driving is risky. flying is risky. college is risky. being a missionary is risky.
so if i am going to take a risk, wouldn’t a good cause be to reach hurting souls? to love those who have never heard of such a thing? to get to play a part in eternities being secured?
romans 8 talks about how we are not supposed to live a life of timidity, tending to our own graves. it’s a life of expectancy, knowing who He is so we can know who we are. i don’t want to have any unused life. life is so precious. life is too valuable to live strictly for my own comfort.
letting go is hard. i am about to do so many hard things. it’s scary but that’s okay. i’m going to miss my family and my home for the past 18 years. but for the 18 years i thought i was in control, He actually was. so i’m letting go. no more entertaining stress or thoughts of fear. no more gripping to comfortability. but instead, more love, more joy, more peace, more expectancy, more trust, more surrender, more freedom, more excitement.
i am inviting you to join me. join me in claiming the fact that depression, anxiety, fear, stress, no longer have a grip on your life. life is a gift and i will use it for beauty.
letting go brings more freedom than holding on ever will.
i love you (and see you in GA!!)
– mg 🙂
This is so encouraging mg. You are the sweetest. Jesus spoke through your blog right to my heart. Cant wait to walk alongside you in this. LOVE YOU!
Love this MG. Proud of you and so excited for you!!
Keep your trust in God. He will never leave you or abandon you. We love you very much & we are so proud of you. You will be in our heart & prayers where ever life takes you.??
I sit here in tears as your beautiful writing confirms the same thoughts I’ve had. The comfort of having our girl here with us, safe at home, feels like I’m in control. But I’m not and never have been. How easily I forget this sometimes. God has me surrendering a lot this year. I give it all to Him. He’s got our baby girl and he always has. With open hands & open heart, I surrender and welcome freedom. I love you, sunshine.
Sweet MG! I loved reading this! I love YOU! The world needs your Light! Shine on, precious one. I’m so proud of you!
Christine with a WORD wow, that’s convicting! Your vulnerability is admired & appreciated, I love you!!
MG WOW! I am speechless at just how well you put these feelings and emotions that are going crazy into words!! thank you for your boldness in this blog that was much much needed. ILY & will see ya in 1 MONTH !!!!!!!!!!
You are the sweetest and I love your heart! I also love your honesty and strength to understanding what God wants for you. Keep your eyes on the Father!
I can so relate to this. I remember feeling this exact way when I went off to college. It’s so healthy to write it down, get your thoughts out and then re-direct yourself to Him. You are wise beyond your years my friend. Continuing to pray for you.